Personal leadership: how do you ask for what you need at work?

This blog was written by Helene van Oudheusden, a Pluvo customer.

Personal leadership

Every day, I hear people having a difficult conversation with their manager. First in mind, then with a colleague as test subject.

They've already covered everything there: what they want to say and how the boss will react.

‍Guess what?

You never know how the other person will react. No matter how well you prepare. That's the fun part of communication.

What you do know?

That when you wait for your supervisor to take care of you, you sometimes have to be patient.

Because if you don't ask for what you need, how should he or she know?

In her book The Moment of Lift, businesswoman Melinda Gates states that women find it harder to act than men because they are more risk-averse, more afraid of failure than men. ' If that's true, there is work to be done!

It seems obvious, but how do you know what you need yourself? I have two tools for you.

1: Visualisation

One visualisation is an effective way to clarify your core needs.

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine the best version of yourself. What are you wearing, what are you thinking, what are you seeing?

Then see what you're missing at work and be surprised by the answer. That can be the most unexpected thing, this is the benefit of bringing in your subconscious mind.

There is all the information you need to take good care of yourself at work.

2: Basic needs met

Every person has three basic psychological needs.

These are:

1. Autonomy: the freedom to do your job in a way that suits you.
2. COMPETENCE: your talents, training and skills match your tasks.
3. Connection: pleasant contact with colleagues and customers.

If all three of your basic needs are met, you're in the right place at work. You notice that you are motivated from within. As soon as a need is missing, it is a signal to see how you can get that need fulfilled.

Source: Self-determination theory by Edward L. Deci and Richard Ryan.

Helping you meet your basic needs

Take some time to sit quietly with a piece of paper.

Write down your three basic needs and create a word web of everything that comes to mind. Do you have enough freedom to carry out your tasks? If so, great — if you don't, you'll intuitively write down how to get more freedom.

• Is it by organising your breaks yourself?
• Do you want a different room?
• Is there an unresolved issue with a colleague?

Let your imagination run wild.

The more unlikely the solution, the more energy it often gives you to improve your situation.

You know what you need now.

How do you get this done?

1. Say what's on your mind

Ask for overtime compensation, a yoga course if you are sensitive to stress, a different place of work, promotion or a salary increase.

2. Practice with a friend

So that the first emotion is gone and you can consult to the point.

3. Schedule that appointment with your supervisor today

Discussing important things casually is often to your disadvantage. Making an appointment gives a professional impression and that is your first step to that office chair when you work from home.

4. Tell your issue briefly and concisely

You've practiced it so speak it out. Drop silences and wait for the other person. Or end with: what could you do for me, how could we fix this?

5. Name three possible solutions

That's taking control. Your manager likes to choose rather than come up with a solution himself.

6. Sit back and enjoy your self-care

The satisfaction of finally expressing what you want is great. This is personal growth, give yourself time to enjoy it too.

7. Be open to the solution

Keep breathing slowly. You have expressed your request. When and how it will be granted is a matter of surrender. You're perfectly capable of waiting for that.

Does it sound easier than it is?

If you don't jump, you won't enjoy your bravery either. And keep what you have now. Isn't that worth a good conversation with your supervisor?

P.S. Great tip for what a manager needs. Hans is a team leader at a start-up. Yesterday, he told me that he would like to walk quietly to his room with a cup of hot coffee in the morning without being sued by five colleagues along the way.

‍Recognisable? :-) Give your manager that rest and just schedule that appointment. Win-win!

Hélène van Oudheusden is a personal coach for hard workers in education and business. More information can be found on her website.